Pop a Cap, Teach…

August 19, 2008


Not that I was ever ornery or anything but I remember getting paddled in school quite a few   a couple maybe one time.

Then somehow we as a society decided that was wrong to let teachers do that anymore. Everyone got all “kids have rights” and all that. I thought it was just another way that we were getting soft in this country.

Boy was I ever wrong…

You have to read this story, Small Texas school district lets teachers, staff pack pistols

My first thought upon reading this was that of course it was in Texas. I apologize if you live in Texas but I hope you understand that everyone else in the country that doesn’t live there thinks y’all are crazy. (did I say y’all correctly). We all (or is it w’all?) think of you in your big Suburban with your ten gallon hat and boots worn outside your Levi’s and, of course, the obligatory holster with the two chromed six-guns. Ok, maybe not everyone thinks that but I sorta do.

I am not going to debate whether I think this is right or wrong but I did put together a quick agenda for the week-long training course that I feel should be required to get your “Take a Gun to School” permit:

Day 1:

Target practice. Of course it would be sort of like one of those soldier training things but would look more like a school library. The little pop-ups would be good kids and bad kids. Everyone knows that during a gunfight a good kid or two would get hurt so it wouldn’t be a pass-fail type thing. They would get, let’s say, a two good-kid margin of error.

Day 2:

This day would be spent on going over the typical literature that is available on this topic: “Your Gun, Your Students & You”, “If you can’t teach’em, shoot’em”, “Curriculum vs. Artillery” You know… stuff like that.

Day 3:

NRA representatives would be on hand all day to match up each teacher with the proper weaponry. Then, after, there would be a big party at the local steakhouse in which a bunch of “Ye-Has” and shooting in the air would cap off the evening.

Day 4:

This day would be reserved for role-playing out certain scenarios. Like:  Little Johnny hits you with a spitball so you do the roll & crouch maneuver and come up with a bead on him that scares him into submission. This is the hardest one since most teachers can get the roll down and the crouch but it’s putting them together that they struggle with.

Day 5:

This would be a recap on the entire week with a practical test at the end of the day. The teachers that don’t score well are relegated to carrying tasers. But, the higher you score, the larger caliber you get to carry. The PE teachers would probably all end up with .45’s.

I’m not sure I would want to attend this school. I had a particular way of totally pissing off my teachers that I am totally sure I would have needed to find a friend in some black secret government position that could provide me with the latest body armor just so I could pass 9th grade.

More power to all you Texas school kids. Remember to zig zag as you run across the playground…




  1. Mr. N. this is so funny! But, I don’t think you should show your face in Texas after this!

  2. That last comment was me. Somehow I was logged in as my blog, not my name!

  3. You spelled Yee Haw wrong. Definitely showing your city boy side there!

    I’m still wiping the tears of laughter.

  4. I can see the next class of kids arriving in tanks…

  5. Speaking as a 5th generation Texan I have to say that I resent and am offended by this post. Then I remember that just last week Victor bought a cannon. (For real.) Then I realize that, yes, we pretty much deserve this entire post.

  6. Another Texan, born and bred, who is appalled at that school district. Crazy, I tell ya! *shakes head*

    A few pointers about Texas and Texans:

    If we are wearing boots, they aren’t worn with Levi’s. They are most properly worn with either Wranglers or, well, Wranglers. And skirts or shorts for gals.

    Yeehaw is one word, spelled with two e’s, an h, and a w.

    Your use of y’all is proper and appreciated. The plural of y’all is “all y’all”. 😉 As in, “Are all y’all fixin’ to go to the store? Could y’all pick up some beer for Duane and some jalapenos for Mama? Thank yew!”

    The hat? We only wear those when we need to ~ weddings, funerals, workin’ in the sun, and out to bars (honky tonkin’). The rest of the time, most of the guys will have on some type of headcovering, usually a ballcap. Gals only wear hats as a fashion statement, except as noted above. I do not own a cowboy hat, 10 gallon or otherwise.

    You will find more trucks than SUVs in Texas. If we do drive an SUV, it’s more likely to be a Ford than a Chevy, and even more likely to be foreign-made than domestic. Hummers are also popular, although crazy, IMO. My personal vehicle is a Toyota 4Runner. I need the 4 wheel drive for carrying my kid’s wheelchair, muddin’, getting out of traffic jams in Dallas, and takin’ short cuts to the ranch. Oh, wait ~ I don’t have a ranch. 😉 Or any cows, horses, or handguns. Dammit, I’ve blown it now ~ you probably don’t think I’m a real Texan! lol

    I’m thankful that our school district prohibits firearms on school property. I do hope that other district prints out your curriculum and uses it. 😀

    Thanks for the laughs!

  7. If they can pass the rigorous process to get the concealed carry permit – then more power to them. The State has strenuous guidelines in place for permitting.

    In fact, the people you have to worry about, are the ones who are carrying their guns illegally.

    Still, great post, and I loved your curriculum.

    YAY Texas. It’s like a whole ‘nuther country.

  8. THanks for stopping by my blog!

    No offense taken! It was still a great post, even if you did poke fun at my state!! 😉

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